New beginnings

So my goal was to write weekly, and here I am two days in a row. w00t go me!

Tonight was my first workout at the new gym, SquareOne. I'm feeling a little...melancholy, I guess. Maybe not the perfect word. But what I'm feeling is, I'm really going to miss our big bootcamps at other places. I've been missing the Y and Zorinsky already the past few months. Now I'll also be missing Montclair. Things at bootcamp have changed drastically since I joined 20 months ago, and although each new phase was better than the previous phase I still find myself nostalgic for the old times.

I started off coming in the mornings at the Y. There were usually around 6 people there then. I'd warm up on the elliptical, we'd do a weight circuit, and then we'd finish in the gym with basketball relays or the "card game" or bouncing medicine balls and running in circles.

Then my first competition started and there was an attendance portion, so I tried out the evening sessions. My first session felt like it would nearly kill me. Walking up the huge hill was torture. It was a different group of people (some the same, some different), it was outside, it was so much tougher. After my first day there I thought I couldn't handle it and skipped the next session because I was too scared to go back. Thank goodness for the competition, because something in me wanted to win and it overrode the fear. From then on I didn't miss another session throughout the entire summer, even though midway through I sprained my ankle pretty badly. We had Saturdays at Zorinsky, we ran the "dyke loop" (mile) and beat our times, I sprained my ankle a second time, we climbed what seemed to be a mountain, we freaked out about snakes.

A few months later things changed drastically again, and I wish I had recorded my feelings at the time. I know I was nervous. I felt scared that things wouldn't be as good. Little did I know how much BETTER they would be! The "beginners" (mostly people Marty recruited at the Biggest Loser auditions that were held here in town) merged with our "regular" bootcamp, we started having regular contests, we started having finale parties for the first time. And suddenly I had friends! We moved to Montclair, another venue, another type of workout. We added millions of wall sits, we started running to the "lonely tree", we ran a lot more in general, so many laps around the gym. The workouts at Montclair are some of my favorites. The people I got to know during that time are some of my favorites too. I'm extremely lucky to know them.

And now, the next chapter. SquareOne. Our own space. Kevin and Marty have been working like fiends for weeks now, with occasional help from some of us others, and suddenly we're in and ready to workout there. I wish I could say I'm 100% excited and happy and think that it's perfect. Instead, I'm pretty apprehensive. I'm worried. I hate the unknown, I hate change. I'm scared. Terrified, really. I'm worried that we'll lose some of the magic that is our little family. I'm worried that working out in smaller groups will make us less close. We'll have fewer opportunities to all be together. I hate that I don't know what will happen.

So, I enjoyed my first workout. I really did. And I enjoyed hanging out beforehand in the lobby with Kevin and Robert while another group worked out. And I enjoyed dinner with the guys and Amanda afterwards. But it's not the same, and I'm scared.

I'm trying to remain positive. I know I want and need to support Marty and be excited for him and his new business, and I will. I'll do everything in my power to help make this a success. But I'm scared. And I hate that.