This past Saturday was the annual Trek Up The Tower, a race to the top of the First National Bank Tower here in Omaha. 40 flights up. For some insane reason I signed up to participate again this year. Looking at my shiny new medal I'm glad I did, but I must say the entire time and even just after I was wondering why I put myself through that.
This has been a rough year for me and Trek was just a painful reminder of how far I've slid back in some areas. I've made SO much progress mentally and emotionally, but slipped up bad with my weightloss, nutrition, and fitness. Partly this is due to injuries, they've hit me harder this year than last. But mostly it's just that I've been so focussed on my work in therapy and distracted by my out of control finances.
Last year I finished the Trek in 21:57. My goal for this year was to finish in under 19 minutes, but I would have been happy just to beat last year's time even by one second. But that was not to be.
This year, Trek took me nearly half an hour. 29:20, I believe, was my official time. There were a few factors that I couldn't control, but most of it is my fault. I'm not pleased with my time.
I am proud that I finished, I didn't quit, I didn't give up. It's more than most people can say. Not everyone signs up to climb 870 steps on a Saturday morning!
The air was bad this year. I wasn't the only one who thought so, I heard people from the gym and from work talking about it days after. Coughing fits, metallic taste in the mouth, just can't breathe right. That stuck with me for days. That was a factor that was out of my control. The race was more difficult this year because of the air.
But the real issue is, I basically completed this race wearing a 30 pound weight vest. No, not literally. Those actually aren't even allowed in the event. But figuratively. I, this week, weigh approximately 30 pounds more than I did this week last year. And THAT is incredibly frustrating. Because it's my fault.
I can't go back and redo this year, and I wouldn't want to if I could. Despite another sprained ankle, despite a lingering knee injury, despite the numbers on the scale moving in the wrong direction, I wouldn't redo this year. I've grown as a person, and that IS by far much more important than the scale or the time it takes me to finish a race. However, I am defnitely sick and tired of going in the wrong direction. So it's time to fix it.
I actually felt ready to change last Thursday. We had an AWESOME PAL class. I jumped for the first time in forever. I felt more nimble than I had in months. (Unfortunately, that was likely a bad idea, as my knee has been making me pay for it ever since). I felt like I finally COULD get back to it. Combine that with a sudden modest windfall (higher than anticipated federal tax refund, higher than anticipated wellness bonus and overtime pay on my latest check) which got my finances into better order, and I was finally able to focus on nutrition again.
This past week I've journaled every bite, down to a stick of gum I chewed on Friday night. And it paid off! Last night at PAL class I was down 3.8 pounds versus last week. Finally in the right direction again, and a pretty good number at that!
So as frustrated as I am with my poor performance at Trek, I am optimistic about my journey. It's coming into springtime. It's been almost a full two years since I started working out with Marty, and I am not the same person I was before my first bootcamp. You really can divide my life into PM and AM. Pre-Marty, After-Marty. PM was full of sadness, it felt like a not-so-slow dying out. AM is all full of hope and anticipation. AM is a much healthier place to be. :)
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