Face It To Erase It

This week in therapy we talked about finances. It wasn’t my intent going in there, I had a list of topics I wanted to cover that I felt had become urgent, but as it often does the topics of relationships and of weight loss led to the topic of finances. They’re all intertwined. Statistically, the worse off your finances are the more likely you are to be overweight. On the surface that doesn’t make sense. Food isn’t free, so overeating is a waste of money right? Well when a 350 calorie cheeseburger costs $0.95 and a 350 calorie subway sandwich costs $3.75, what would most people pick? Three cheeseburgers of course. Enter: obesity.

I used to watch the Suze Orman show every Sunday morning, dvr’d from the night before.  Suze often talked about how weight and wealth go hand in hand. It’s not just that rich people can afford the fancy trainers and personal chefs, although that certainly helps. It’s that, when one part of your life is in chaos, other parts of your life become chaotic as well.

Control is an interesting thing. I think all too often I try to control things I can’t control, and fail to control the things that I can. I try to control people. I try to control emotions to the point where I don’t show them at all until it’s built up to the point where I burst. I fail to control my spending, and my eating. Somehow I need to figure out how to switch this all around.

So I’m starting with debts. This is a scary subject for me right now. To be perfectly honest, I’m behind on all of the important bills (mortgage, mud, oppd) and just barely current again on my credit accounts (which I have six of….totaling nearly $19k….a big scary number). Eeek I can’t believe I just admitted that! Oy. Aaaaanyway, the point is: it’s overwhelming. So overwhelming that I like to ignore it. Sometimes even when I have the money I just don’t pay the bills because it’s scary and I’m worried that if I give the money to the people I owe that’ll be it, I’ll never have money again. It’s irrational, of course. I have a job that’s as steady and secure as any job really can be in this economy, there will always be money coming in. It will never be enough, but nothing ever is. The point is, what comes in is slightly more than what needs to go out. So why do I have this fear of letting it go out?

And, as scared as I unreasonably am to pay the bills, what do I use to comfort myself? Shopping. I go out and buy things I don’t need or even want. I do this mindlessly.

Just like I know I have around $100 to spend every week on gas, groceries, and entertainment, I know I have 1492 calories per day to spend on nourishment. But I have this fear that it won’t be enough, that I’ll have to go without “later” (whenever later is), and if I spend it now on things like “bills” (vegetables, lean protein, etc) then I won’t have any calories ever again to spend on anything fun that makes like worth living (like the occasional piece of chocolate). So instead of budgeting it out I freak out, and I mindlessly eat until all the “money” is gone. And I go into “debt”, over my calorie range, and end up gaining weight. The extra pounds weigh on me in the same way the thousands of dollars of debt weigh on me.

And so, as Suze says, I need to face it to erase it. I have 140 pounds to lose. That’s an extra 490,000 calories that I need to burn. Nearly half a million calories. A daunting number. I have close to $19,000 in bills to pay. Another daunting number. But the math says I can succeed, if I get out of my own way and let it happen. I burn 2400 calories per day, and can survive and thrive with eating only around 1500 a day. That’s a deficit of 900 calories. At that rate it would take me 544 days to reach my goal weight. Now, truly it would be sooner than that, because I exercise. I burn 2400 calories per day at rest, and I am not at rest. I am a freaking ATHLETE, I’m training for a century ride, I have two triathlons coming up. I will reach my goal weight within the next year…as long as I stick within my calorie “budget” of 1492-1692 per day.

The math’s a little trickier on the bills, because of compounding interest. I won’t do the math, but I do know that if I maintain a proper payment schedule, paying what I can, paying on time, and sticking within my spending budget, I WILL get this debt paid off in the same way I will lose the weight. A little at a time. Step one is to find out my “calorie range” for spending money. I know I can thrive eating 1492-1692 calories per day. But what can I thrive on with my finances? How much do I need to get by, be comfortable enough, have the things I truly need, and the occasional piece of “chocolate” to keep my sanity? That is harder to figure out. Our calorie formula comes from Dr Huizenga’s book “Where Did All The Fat Go”. It’s scientific and proven. It works. But where is the formula for calculating how much I need to spend on gas and groceries and dinners with friends? There doesn’t seem to be one.

I know spending is just like eating in the sense that, if you are too restrictive, you will rebel. If I cut out everything completely I will be miserable and “hungry” all the time. Somewhere there’s a balance, and that’s what I need to find. If my dear readers have any suggestions or ideas on what may work or what’s worked for you, I would love to hear them. Until then, I’ll just keep plugging along, doing my best, trying to do what works. Control only that which is in my control. And if anyone has the winning lottery numbers please pass them my way!

Perceptions

So both of my blogging friends posted recently about body image. This is a common struggle among those of us who are losing weight, who have lost weight, who need to lose weight. Any person of size really. It's interesting how we view ourselves and how it compares to how the world views us. Add in childhood traumas and the differences can become even more pronounced. We learn on the playground that our faults define us. We're called names derived from what we percieve as our worst features. Four eyes. Metal mouth. Big-booty-Becca (okay, I was never called that, to my knowledge, but could well have been). We decide to listen to these negative ideas and stop looking at the good in ourselves.

This is something I suppose I will always struggle with. On a good day I can look at myself in the mirror, from the shoulders up, and think I look "cute" at best. I think I have a cute nose, I like my green eyes. I look, I think, like a friendly type of person. Not someone you'd want to date, but someone you'd be friends with. That is how I see myself, and only on a good day.
On a bad day I see splotchy skin, limp greasy hair that clumps funny and goes off in weird directions, thighs bigger in circumfrence than a healthy waist should be, and an ass that could crush Tokyo.

I suppose, in the same way our voices on tape will never sound the same or as pleasing to us as they sound to others, we will never be able to see ourselves as others do. It's not only difficult, but truly impossible to REALLY step outside yourself and view yourself objectively and with a new eye. We're too close to the situation to see it as it truly is. But, my hope is that someday we'll be able to at least accept that we have good features, that we're beautiful people.

I've also, as readers know, been trying to figure out the "why" of why I became overweight. And although, as I mentioned in a previous post, I am coming to accept that there may not be an "answer" I have been able to put my finger on a few "why's" regarding my self esteem issues. This became evident to me when reading my friend Amanda's blog (http://shrinkingamanda.blogspot.com/). In her latest post she mentions a dislike of her own hair. I hear this from all curly-headed girls. The frizz! The hair that goes everywhere! The work it takes to straighten every day! Now, I do give Amanda a bit of a pass on this one, as her hair is more in-between than truly curly. But, to me, it's one of my favorite things about her appearance. I love when she wears it in its natural state. She is always a gorgeous person, but with her curls? Her husband needs to watch out, because she's irresistable with her curls. But aaaanyway, the point here is: we hate what, as a child, made us feel "different". Whether it be hair that's frizzier than the other girls, being naturally bigger than other kids our age, developing sooner, being taller, being smaller, being anything other than perfectly average.

I remember as early as kindergarten times where I felt like a "freak" because of my size. Looking back now at pictures from that time, yes I am bigger than the other kids, but I am proportional. I have a little booty, sure, that's my shape. My thighs touch, sure, I have narrow hips and solid legs so of course they touch. My hair didn't do much but hang there, it's extemely fine and thin, but not straight enough to be considered straight or wavy enough to be considered wavy. But it's also the best feeling hair you'll ever touch, so soft and silky. I'm a full head or more taller than the other girls, and most of the boys. And THAT, I believe, is what really spawned many of my "issues" with self esteem.

I felt like a giant. I could pick up the other kids and toss them around like sacks of potatoes. I was always strong (I joke that I HAD to be, to get this giant body out of bed and off the couch. And that's partly true, though it now sounds rather self-deprecating). I was always the tallest girl. This is especially evident in one picture from swimteam. I was probably 9 years old, and well over 5 feet tall. I'm in the picture with three other girls my age, my relay team. And they barely come up to my shoulder. Two of them could stand side-by-side behind me and be completely hidden from view, they are that much smaller. Yes, these particular girls are naturally skinny people. I am naturally more solid. They don't have the muscle I have. They are built for speed, I am built for strength. I'm like an ox to their stallion.

And THAT is the problem. I am an ox. Oxen are great, they helped tame the prairies. They brought the pioneers west to find fortune and freedom. Oxen rock! But....dude, I'm a girl! I don't want to be a freaking OX! I want to be a tiny, petite little ballerina girl. I want to feel feminine! I want a boy to be able to pick me up and carry me over the threshhold when I get married some day. I want to be small enough to curl up in my husband's arms and feel protected.
I want what I can't have.

For some people this may just be all taken in stride. They may occasionally wish they looked different or were built different, but most days they would just live their life and accept the things they cannot change. For whatever reason this was not something I could do. And as someone predisposed to addiction and unable to deal with the blow to my self esteem brought on by not being "normal" (average) it sent me running for something to numb the pain. I am unable to let myself feel emotions, so I drown them in chocolate cake or whatever my vice of the day might be.

I have no real solution to this "problem", I simply find it interesting to explore when these feelings and thoughts started. This is definitely something I'll be exploring further. I doubt, now that the rest of the world caught up to my height and surpassed me, that anyone would see me as a "giant" any longer. I am no longer than child who towered over her relay team. 11 years of dance lessons have made me more graceful than the ox that I compare myself to. But my body is what it is. I am strong. That is what I need to focus on. I am built for strength. Not speed, not looks. I am built to move mountains. And I need to embrace what I am, and forget about what I wanted to be.

The Marty Difference

In addition to the “story” I wrote up for the square1 website, I was also asked to provide a “weightloss testimonial” for work. It’s posted on our intranet for all employees to read for inspiration (still a strange concept for me). Much of the bulk of it is identical to the story I just posted, but there were a few additions. I figured, while I had a forum for it, why not endorse my awesome trainer and support group? You never know who might read it and get inspired to join us. I’d like to post that here as well, because again I think it’s good for me to remember why I am doing what I am doing.

On April 24^th, 2010 I walked into Marty Wolff’s boot camp. My sister went with me for support. We got up at 5:00 am and got on treadmills at the YMCA. That day I could barely walk at a 2.2 mph pace. I had always been fairly active, but I had trainers in the past who always went too easy on me. As a trainer, when you see someone of my size you instantly worry about heart attacks, and you don’t want to push too hard. I was used to almost holding my breath when I exercised, so that no one would see that I was huffing and puffing so much. I thought if I looked like I was still breathing normally they would know I was okay to keep going and push harder. As soon as I would start to breathe heavy most trainers would back off and think I’d had enough. Marty was different. He called me out on it right away, he could tell that was exactly what I was doing. Because Marty had been overweight himself he was used to working out around very overweight people. He told me to cut it out and just go ahead and breathe heavy, that’s what happens when you exercise. Right away he earned my trust because I knew he wouldn’t give up on me if I struggled.

That first day, after struggling on the treadmill, we did a weight circuit and Marty was practically GIDDY to see how much weight I could lift. I knew I was strong, I’d been carrying so much weight around my whole life already, but I didn’t know I was that strong. My sister struggled through the weights, which was even more encouraging to me! She had always been the athletic one, and now I was doing something she couldn’t. When she ran over to the corner and threw up I was REALLY excited. I was feeling good, and my sister was working out so hard she was sick and still not keeping up with me. That’s when I really knew this boot camp was the perfect choice for me.

My sister only came with me four times. I kept on going. But all the while I was still eating fast food and donuts. I was working in an office full of temptations, where no one exercised. I also had a lot of job-related stress, and the way I dealt with it was to run to the vending machine for “F4” (chocolate donuts). When I heard about claims processing positions at Blue Cross I applied right away. And thank goodness I did! I started there in May of 2010.

Last summer, The Biggest Loser held auditions here in Omaha, and as a former contestant from season 3 of the show, Marty encouraged his bootcampers to go out there with him and stand in line to talk to people about losing weight at home. We recruited 30 people that day for a beginner’s boot camp. Although I had been with Marty since April and the new people began in August I feel like we’ve gone through most of our changes together. They are my biggest supporters. I’ve learned that it makes such a difference having people in your life who truly relate to you. We have a lot of the same stories and have been through similar struggles, and we can share in our victories together.

The rest of my work “story” continues just like the previous version, so I’ll cut off there. I just….needed a few reminders today about why I’m doing what I’m doing. It’s not easy, but it’s where I need to be.  Reading this helps me to remember that.

My "story"

My story is posted on the Square1 website (http://www.square1club.com/, click on meet a member) but it was edited beyond recognition. I was sifting through old files today and came across the original. With a few edits to update it to current day, here it is in its entirety.

A common saying at most Weight Watcher meetings is, “Nothing tastes as good as thin feels.” This may be inspiring for those people who have been thin before and are trying to get back there. For someone like me, who was nine pounds at birth and never thin, it’s meaningless. I knew donuts tasted good. I still don’t know how thin feels. But now that I know how fit can feel, I can tell you that it is definitely better than any donut!

Unlike most people I wasn’t big on trying fad diets. I didn’t yoyo diet, I just consistently gained weight each year from the time I was born. I tried to diet once, when I was 9 or 10, but it lasted maybe two days. I ate saltines and apples and I felt terrible. I didn’t have the tools I needed or really know how to lose weight. In college I tried Slim Fast for about two weeks, but halfway through the day I would give up and stop at the Steak & Shake drive thru.

My first moderate success was with WeightWatchers my senior year of college. When I joined I was 317 pounds, and by December of that year I was down to 280. I attended meetings with one of my roommates and another good friend, and the support from them was great. We worked out together at the campus rec center, cooked and shopped together, and we had a big group of friends cheering us on. People started to notice and I felt great in my smaller jeans. That January our schedules changed and I had to go to meetings alone, and the weightloss stopped. That spring I moved back to Omaha, started working in a group home where I was surrounded by candy and junk food all day, and quickly found myself back up over 300 pounds.

For a few years I was able to maintain my weight between 300-320 pounds by halfway-trying to eat right, occasionally going to the gym for 20 minutes on the elliptical, and going to WeightWatchers every week. Then, a series of health issues hit. First, in the summer of 2006, I had a lump removed from my leg. The pathology reports were inconclusive, but it looked like lymphoma. I was sent to an Oncologist for countless tests. I spent the entire summer thinking I had lymphoma. I never did get a real diagnoses OR an all-clear. I quit WeightWatchers, fell into an even deeper depression, and did nothing but eat all day. I got up to about 340 pounds.

In addition, I had other health problems to deal with caused by endocrine issues. I had extra heavy and extra frequent periods, which caused anemia and made me tired and weak all the time. On Christmas day of 2006 I ended up in the ER when I lost so much blood I passed out. The ER docs did a biopsy, and sent me to yet another Oncologist. The possible lymphoma wasn’t my only issue, I was now dealing with pre-cancerous uterine cells.

The doctors told me the cells were caused by excess estrogen. What I didn’t find out until years later was that the estrogen was caused by excess fat. I always thought of fat as just this covering that gets in the way and makes you unattractive, but it’s so much more. It’s living breathing tissue! It creates hormones and alters your entire body chemistry. I was so depressed about the possibility of having one cancer (lymphoma) that I ate my way closer to another cancer (uterine cancer).

Because the cells were caused by an excess of estrogen, the treatment is an estrogen blocker, Megestrol Acetate. Unfortunately this drug is also an appetite stimulant. It’s given to AIDS patients to help with AIDS Wasting Disease! I managed to stay on the drug for six months, long enough to temporarily rid myself of the bad cells, but also long enough to gain an additional 60 pounds. Eventually I told my doctors enough was enough and got off the drug, but the damage was done. I was hovering around 400 pounds, extremely depressed, and had basically given up on life.

In January of 2010, a follow-up biopsy showed that the cells had returned and this time I would need surgery.  My entire family sat all day in the waiting room wondering if I would be okay, and what the doctors would find. After a bad reaction to the anesthesia that left them waiting hours longer I was so wracked with guilt I knew I couldn’t put them through that again. The kicker was when my mom came back to talk to the surgeon. She asked if there was any way to prevent an occurrence. The surgeon told her the only way was for me to lose weight. I knew that, I had always known that, but to have a surgeon tell that to my worried mother was heartbreaking. I couldn’t believe I had put my family through that.

I began searching for a way to “fix” myself. I was seeing a therapist, looking for a new job, and trying the best I knew how to deal with my issues. I knew exercise would be key, so I started looking around for a program. Joining a gym never worked for me in the past. I would stop after 15-20 minutes. I needed something more structured to keep me going. And it had to be fun. I loved being active as a kid even though I was always overweight and slower than the other kids. I was always on my bike or in the pool. I took dance for 11 years, swam competitively from age 4 to 14, and participated in roller skating competitions. I needed to find something I loved as much as I had loved those activities as a kid. I had heard about Marty’s bootcamp when he and Amy first moved to town, but at that time it was only in the evenings and conflicted with my work schedule. I looked him up again and was happy and nervous that he had morning times available.

It took me a few more weeks to get up the courage, but I finally showed up for my first bootcamp on April 20^th, 2010. Since that day my entire life has changed. I’ve lost 80 pounds and no longer have to special order my clothes (at my heaviest, even the plus size stores didn’t carry my size). I’ve completed races from 4K to 13.1 miles, done a vertical stair challenge, and participated in my first triathlon. I’m studying for my ACE trainer certification so that I can help other people like me, and I’ve become a licensed Zumba Fitness and Zumba Gold instructor. I fell in love with Zumba because I love how exercise can be fun! It really is like a party, and I love sharing it with people. It makes me feel like I felt as a kid in dance class. I was never the best dancer, never had a dancer’s body, but it felt so great to move to good music and just have fun with my friends. That’s what exercise should be about!

Everything about my life has changed, but the biggest difference now is that I have hope. When I smile it’s a real smile, I no longer have to fake it. I am surrounded by the best support system, I know that my fellow bootcampers will be there for me and I love being around to help support them. At each race I sign up for I know I will have a group of friends at the finish line, and that’s what keeps me going.

I still need therapy and medication, and I probably always will struggle with that. But the difference now is, I DO struggle. Instead of hiding behind fat and hiding in my house I get out and face the world. I take on new challenges. I’m not afraid to fail anymore. No matter how slow I run I am still running faster than the people at home on their couches. I am a work in progress, but I’m progressing every day. J

Addiction

So most of my days at work are spent processing insurance claims of course. But between claims, or when the system is slow, or during breaks I spend the rest of my time talking with Amanda. Sometimes it’s hilarious, sometimes it’s sad, sometimes it makes me wonder, and sometimes it makes me think. Something I sent her this morning, however, is really making me think. Here is what I said. (If you’re not familiar, Carmen is the therapist Marty referred me to).

I keep thinking I need to figure out “why” I got fat. Like what triggered it. Something Carmen said last night makes me think I may never find an “answer” because there may not be one. She was talking about a story in the Cocaine Anonymous book. This guy was addicted to candy. He remembers the first time he was ever given candy, as a really little kid, and after that it was all he could think about. Candy. And then candy turned into alcohol which turned into cocaine.

I don’t remember the first time I felt addicted to food, but I remember some things. Like….I vividly remember moments that revolve around food. I can tell you what there was to eat at most important days in my life. The day we sold our house on Nina Street I ate an M&M cookie from Bakers at Frederick Square. The day my Aunt Marge drove us (my sisters and me) with Aunt Nancy back from Indiana to Omaha I had Pizza Hut spaghetti with meat sauce for lunch, and then chocolate milk and an m&M (again) cookie from the gas station at Little Amana (exit 240 on I-80). The day those pictures of younger me in the swimming pool were taken (they’re on facebook) I ate half a package of keebler m&m cookies, and I can still tell you how they tasted, I remember it so vividly. I ate some of them IN the pool. Those are my biggest m&m cookie memories. I have other memories based on other foods.
And I used to steal candy. Every single time we went to Bakers I would take a piece of toffee from the Brach’s Pick-a-Mix. Then while the carryout boy would put the groceries in the blue chevy astro van I would sit in the back seat and eat it real quick before my mom got in the car. Then I would eat my purple safety pop that the cashier always gave me.

So anyway…the point is, there may not be an answer. I may just be an addict. I don’t like that….but I think I’m starting to accept it.

So…this is something I think I may need to explore further. But I wanted to save that part of the email here, for my own reference. The past few weeks my therapy appointments hadn’t really been productive. I can tell I’m making progress when I feel terrible after. I don’t even know how to describe the feeling I feel after I leave a session, but it’s….it’s not good, it’s an awful feeling, but I know that it’s good FOR me.

The past few weeks I was frustrated, trying to figure out what was “wrong” with me, why I am the way I am, what triggered it. Figuring out last night that maybe there was no trigger, maybe it just is….it doesn’t make me feel better right now, but I think it’ll make me feel more peace in the future. If I can just….accept that as the case, that there was no huge trauma that caused my food issues, that I’m just an addict….then, maybe I’ll be able to figure out what I need to do to heal the addiction. Maybe.

I sure hope so, because the out of control feeling I feel so often is pretty scary. The not caring/giving up is even scarier.

I’ve almost been hoping for some sort of repressed trauma to pop up, so I would have an answer. I’m not happy now that I’m thinking there IS no answer, but then…at the same time, I feel some relief that maybe no answer IS the answer. Which means I finally found it. And I actually hope I’m right.

Free at last!

New year’s resolutions aren’t normally something I “believe” in. They don’t usually stick. And the people who invade gyms/weightwatcher meetings at the start of the year were always a nuisance, the lines were always long and everywhere was crowded. But this year I’ve actually made one that STUCK!

We’re now in February so I think I can confidently say that this particular resolution is for the long term. On December 31^st, 2011 I had my last donut. I won’t pretend it was my last donut EVER, but I am determined to go the entire year without a single donut. 366 days since this is a leap year.

I will admit, I am still tempted. I have to see donuts everywhere I go! Krispy Kreme has their stupid “Hot Now!” sign. The cafeteria here has a pile of donuts tempting me five mornings a week. They LOOK good. But I’ve been telling myself, they don’t make me FEEL good. They are not fuel. They are simply wasted calories, and I’m hungry again five minutes later after I have one (or two…or three).

The thought of a donut now isn’t nearly as appealing as it was a month ago. And that’s awesome! It really does get easier as time goes by.

So, on Friday I decided to go one step further. I am now giving up popcorn balls. The pretty colored marshmallow popcorn balls from Vick’s that they sell in the cafeteria here. They’re so tempting with their bright colors and cheap price tag. But, like the donuts, they do nothing for me. They are not “fuel” for my body. They are empty calories. And not just that, but they make my jaw hurt from all the chewing and chewing and chewing! So they don’t do anything for me, they HURT me, and they set me back in my weightloss. It should be a no brainer to get rid of them.

Unfortunately it’s not so easy. I have a serious popcorn ball addiction! They’re all I’ve thought about this afternoon. Luckily, the cafeteria just closed, so even if I decided to give in I could get one right now. So, this being the first really tempting day, I’ve made it through. I know it’ll get easier after this. This week will be hard. I’ll have hard times, hard days. But I can do it!

I have been popcorn ball free since February 4^th, 2012. On December 31^st, 2012 I will be 332 days popcorn ball free.

Perhaps in another month I’ll give up another vice. We’ll see!

Community = amazing.

I posted awhile back about being nervous when Square1Club opened that we would lose some of the “community” element that was so wonderful in our big bootcamp groups. Now that we’re a month or so into it I’m feeling a lot better where that’s concerned. Personally, I’ve tried to make a bit more effort myself to keep in touch with people, especially the ones I don’t have workouts scheduled with every week.

This past Saturday night I had an impromptu dinnerparty/scrabble night. It was so great! It was Angie’s idea, so thank you miss Angie for an awesome idea! We ended up inviting Kevin, Robert, and Amana. So there were 6 of us, like a triple date. Of course, had it been a triple date, the pairings probably would have been something like: Robert and Kevin, Dave and Angie, Me and Hartman, LOL! But anyway, it was a nice little group, just barely small enough to squeeze around my little table.

Amanda was awesome and helped cook. I asked Facebook for chicken suggestions (THANK YOU TO EVERYONE! I’m filing all those ideas away because I’m sure there will be many “next times”) We ended up making a stir fry. HyVee had orange and yellow peppers on sale, so I picked up one of each. I bought yellow carrots because they’re “fancier”, some roasted red pepper for color, and broccoli. It was delicious! Amanda did an amazing job with the spices, considering how little I know to keep on hand. She even made a “sauce” (like she deglazed the pan and everything! Cornstarch was involved! She’s so fancy and knowledgeable, it’s amazing!) and I enjoyed my little cooking lesson (although I felt guilty making my friends do most of the work for a party at MY house. Oh well!)

We played a round of Upwords. Like Scrabble, but 3-demensional, if you’re not familiar. Angie is crazy good at word games. I’m…not. LOL! After that, even though it was late, we started a game of Mexican Train Dominos. Only Dave and I had played before, but the others picked it up really quickly and I think we all had fun. They didn’t end up leaving until 3:30 am!

I don’t normally detail parties on here, but I was remembering how worried I was when the club opened about losing our community. I can now say for sure that that is NOT the case. If anything I’m getting closer to everyone. We get more small group time with certain people so we get to know them even better. I’m loving it!

I’m also very happy to note that I can host a party and keep it almost completely healthy! I was “bad” near the end and had a few drinks, and the girls each had one. But otherwise, our dinner was mostly veggies, just a little brown rice and some chicken. We measured the oil to keep that in check. We left feeling good and clean and healthy instead of nasty with grease congealing in our veins. A healthy party CAN be done!

Calories CRUNCHED!

Well it's February already. The first Monday in Febraury, in fact. Which means last night was the Super Bowl.
I'm not sure what my readers (if I have any, lol!) would have normally done during the super bowl. Personally I've only been to two parties. One was in college at Steve and Aaron's house, and I recall eating oodles of "bad" food that night. I remember M&M's and Bugles for sure. I think there may have been pizza. I'm not sure.
The other was when I worked in the group home. I took two of the ladies to a Super Bowl party at my apartment complex, "Loser Heights". The Bears were playing so Dave and I wanted to actually watch the game. We had cupcakes I remember. I'm not sure what else we ate that day, but I'm sure either frozen pizza or fast food were involved. We left at halftime so the ladies could get to bed "on time" and so I could leave since my shift was over, but I'm sure we ate plenty of chips and cheese dip and cupcakes in the short time we were at the party.

Last night I found out that the average Super Bowl viewer eats over 4000 calories during the game. This sounds nuts to me, but I suppose if you sit and eat for three hours straight it will easily add up to that. Especially since the typical foods are chips and dips, chili (not the healthy kind I make), pizza, wings, beer, beer, and beer. I could easily drink over 1000 calories of Blue Moon (250 calories per bottle) during a football game. Add some brownies and chips and a half a pizza to that and you've hit the 4000 average easily.
Well this year we decided to do things differently. Square1Club hosted a "Big Game Calorie Crunch!" We set all the cardio equipment around the tv, turned on the game, and got to work. Each station had a sign with the amount of calories a 240 pound person would burn doing that activity for two minutes. We tracked our time at each station and wrote down our calories burned, and Kevin added them all up at the end.
As a group we burned over 23,000 calories! I'm so proud of our group.
I had the third highest total, with 2264. I'm super proud of that!

So not only did we not eat "bad" food during the game (our "refueling station" was stocked with protein bars, fruit, veggies and humus, pistachios, and plenty of water) but we also burned a ton of calories. I love what Marty is doing for our group. We're really making a community and a lifestyle that's so much healthier than we've ever thought we could be. It's awesome. :)