A common saying at most Weight Watcher meetings is, “Nothing tastes as good as thin feels.” This may be inspiring for those people who have been thin before and are trying to get back there. For someone like me, who was nine pounds at birth and never thin, it’s meaningless. I knew donuts tasted good. I still don’t know how thin feels. But now that I know how fit can feel, I can tell you that it is definitely better than any donut!
Unlike most people I wasn’t big on trying fad diets. I didn’t yoyo diet, I just consistently gained weight each year from the time I was born. I tried to diet once, when I was 9 or 10, but it lasted maybe two days. I ate saltines and apples and I felt terrible. I didn’t have the tools I needed or really know how to lose weight. In college I tried Slim Fast for about two weeks, but halfway through the day I would give up and stop at the Steak & Shake drive thru.
My first moderate success was with WeightWatchers my senior year of college. When I joined I was 317 pounds, and by December of that year I was down to 280. I attended meetings with one of my roommates and another good friend, and the support from them was great. We worked out together at the campus rec center, cooked and shopped together, and we had a big group of friends cheering us on. People started to notice and I felt great in my smaller jeans. That January our schedules changed and I had to go to meetings alone, and the weightloss stopped. That spring I moved back to Omaha, started working in a group home where I was surrounded by candy and junk food all day, and quickly found myself back up over 300 pounds.
For a few years I was able to maintain my weight between 300-320 pounds by halfway-trying to eat right, occasionally going to the gym for 20 minutes on the elliptical, and going to WeightWatchers every week. Then, a series of health issues hit. First, in the summer of 2006, I had a lump removed from my leg. The pathology reports were inconclusive, but it looked like lymphoma. I was sent to an Oncologist for countless tests. I spent the entire summer thinking I had lymphoma. I never did get a real diagnoses OR an all-clear. I quit WeightWatchers, fell into an even deeper depression, and did nothing but eat all day. I got up to about 340 pounds.
In addition, I had other health problems to deal with caused by endocrine issues. I had extra heavy and extra frequent periods, which caused anemia and made me tired and weak all the time. On Christmas day of 2006 I ended up in the ER when I lost so much blood I passed out. The ER docs did a biopsy, and sent me to yet another Oncologist. The possible lymphoma wasn’t my only issue, I was now dealing with pre-cancerous uterine cells.
The doctors told me the cells were caused by excess estrogen. What I didn’t find out until years later was that the estrogen was caused by excess fat. I always thought of fat as just this covering that gets in the way and makes you unattractive, but it’s so much more. It’s living breathing tissue! It creates hormones and alters your entire body chemistry. I was so depressed about the possibility of having one cancer (lymphoma) that I ate my way closer to another cancer (uterine cancer).
Because the cells were caused by an excess of estrogen, the treatment is an estrogen blocker, Megestrol Acetate. Unfortunately this drug is also an appetite stimulant. It’s given to AIDS patients to help with AIDS Wasting Disease! I managed to stay on the drug for six months, long enough to temporarily rid myself of the bad cells, but also long enough to gain an additional 60 pounds. Eventually I told my doctors enough was enough and got off the drug, but the damage was done. I was hovering around 400 pounds, extremely depressed, and had basically given up on life.
In January of 2010, a follow-up biopsy showed that the cells had returned and this time I would need surgery. My entire family sat all day in the waiting room wondering if I would be okay, and what the doctors would find. After a bad reaction to the anesthesia that left them waiting hours longer I was so wracked with guilt I knew I couldn’t put them through that again. The kicker was when my mom came back to talk to the surgeon. She asked if there was any way to prevent an occurrence. The surgeon told her the only way was for me to lose weight. I knew that, I had always known that, but to have a surgeon tell that to my worried mother was heartbreaking. I couldn’t believe I had put my family through that.
I began searching for a way to “fix” myself. I was seeing a therapist, looking for a new job, and trying the best I knew how to deal with my issues. I knew exercise would be key, so I started looking around for a program. Joining a gym never worked for me in the past. I would stop after 15-20 minutes. I needed something more structured to keep me going. And it had to be fun. I loved being active as a kid even though I was always overweight and slower than the other kids. I was always on my bike or in the pool. I took dance for 11 years, swam competitively from age 4 to 14, and participated in roller skating competitions. I needed to find something I loved as much as I had loved those activities as a kid. I had heard about Marty’s bootcamp when he and Amy first moved to town, but at that time it was only in the evenings and conflicted with my work schedule. I looked him up again and was happy and nervous that he had morning times available.
It took me a few more weeks to get up the courage, but I finally showed up for my first bootcamp on April 20th, 2010. Since that day my entire life has changed. I’ve lost 80 pounds and no longer have to special order my clothes (at my heaviest, even the plus size stores didn’t carry my size). I’ve completed races from 4K to 13.1 miles, done a vertical stair challenge, and participated in my first triathlon. I’m studying for my ACE trainer certification so that I can help other people like me, and I’ve become a licensed Zumba Fitness and Zumba Gold instructor. I fell in love with Zumba because I love how exercise can be fun! It really is like a party, and I love sharing it with people. It makes me feel like I felt as a kid in dance class. I was never the best dancer, never had a dancer’s body, but it felt so great to move to good music and just have fun with my friends. That’s what exercise should be about!
Everything about my life has changed, but the biggest difference now is that I have hope. When I smile it’s a real smile, I no longer have to fake it. I am surrounded by the best support system, I know that my fellow bootcampers will be there for me and I love being around to help support them. At each race I sign up for I know I will have a group of friends at the finish line, and that’s what keeps me going.
I still need therapy and medication, and I probably always will struggle with that. But the difference now is, I DO struggle. Instead of hiding behind fat and hiding in my house I get out and face the world. I take on new challenges. I’m not afraid to fail anymore. No matter how slow I run I am still running faster than the people at home on their couches. I am a work in progress, but I’m progressing every day. J
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